


Gone Native

by Grey (grey853)



Category: The Sentinel
Genre: Angst, Drama, Episode Related: nightshift, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-05-10
Updated: 2013-05-10
Packaged: 2017-12-11 04:26:29
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,777
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/793952
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/grey853/pseuds/Grey
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Jim and Blair have to settle their differences after "Night Shift".<br/>This story is a sequel to no.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Gone Native

## Gone Native

by Grey

Author's webpage: <http://grey.ravenshadow.net/>

* * *

Title: Gone Native  
Author: Grey  
E-mail: Grey853@aol.com  
Rating: R for language, no sex.  
Pairings: J/B  
Status: New, complete  
Date May17, 1998  
Archive: Yes  
Archive Author: Grey  
Archive e-mail: Grey@aol.com  
Series/sequel: No  
Other website: <http://grey.ravenshadow.net/>

* * *

Disclaimer: These characters belong to other people, but I borrow them and let them finish up where the network leaves off. 

Summary: This is the slash version of the story "Real Partners". Jim and Blair have some major unfinished business after the episode "Night Shift". 

Warning: Spoilers big time for "Night Shift". There are also references to "Remembrance". 

Gone Native  
by Grey 

Detective James Ellison glanced over at his silent partner one more time as they traveled home to the loft. He started to tease or say something to break down the wall that stood rock-hard between them, but stopped himself. Blair would talk when he was ready. He just hoped he'd know what to do to repair the damage. At the moment he had no clue. Fear of losing the man he loved gnawed like a dull razor scraping at his gut. 

Pulling into the space in front of the building, Jim turned off the engine. Before he could say anything, Blair grabbed his dissertation folder and climbed down out of the truck, slamming the door behind him. He didn't even wait for the elevator, but took the stairs. Shit. Jim shook his head hoping to reduce the mental grinding sanding at his skull. He didn't even want to go inside, but exhaustion weighed his muscles with clear warnings. Sleep-starved nerves refused to fire clearly and he stumbled slightly on the curb. He needed sleep, but first he had to settle things with his partner. 

Feeling vulnerable and guideless, he flashed on himself in the future, moving slowly, bent, grey, and alone. Another set of images brought him graveside at his own police funeral, flags waving and guns going off in solemn salute. Cringing, he stopped and squeezed his eyes shut tight. God, what had he been thinking? Damn shame he couldn't kick his own ass. It would save so much time. 

The closed door to the apartment needed his key, so awkward fingers fumbled with the lock. Breathing deep, he steeled himself to enter. Standing outside on the balcony, Blair leaned over the rail, a beer in his hand. Dropping the keys in the basket, Jim took off his coat, got himself a beer, and went to listen to what his friend needed to say. 

He stood there for about five minutes before Blair finally spoke, his words barely a whisper. "I'm okay, Jim. You don't have to stand over me like that." 

"I like standing over you, Chief." 

A brief smile tweaked his cheeks, but left quickly. "Yeah, I know. You see me as part of that territory of yours." 

"Come on, Chief. That's not true." 

"Isn't it? Jim, I really don't want to talk about this yet. I know you apologized, and I appreciate how hard that was for you, but I have to tell you that I'm still upset. I need to think this through. Decide what I need to do. I have to decide what to do about the dissertation, my study, my whole life here." 

"And you have to do all this alone? What happened to being a partner, Chief, or is that only in effect when it suits you?" 

Muscles tensed and Blair shook his head, pushing his hair back angrily. "Man, I don't fucking believe you. You're not going to let this go even when I'm asking you to give me just a little time. You always have to make everything about you and what you want. What about me, damn it? Why can't for once you respect me enough to do what I ask? Is it too fucking much to ask that you give me just a few goddamn hours to myself?" 

Whirling, he turned and stormed back into the loft, his arms and legs so tight they could barely move. Jim stood completely still, waiting. He took several deep breaths, counted to ten, and then followed his severely irate friend. Blair paced back and forth in front of the couch, his hands busy alternating between rubbing his eyes and pushing his hair all the way back away from his face. Despite the rage, the energy spun from his body like gold from the sun. He dazzled with every turn. 

"I'm sorry, Chief. I'm handling this all wrong. I just want it to be okay between us again." 

"I know that, Jim. I do. It's just, I'm so pissed right now. It's not just you. I'm angry at myself, too." 

Puzzled, Jim set his beer bottle down, leaned back against the counter, and crossed his arms. Watching the frantic movements worried him. "Well, it's pretty obvious why you're pissed at me, but what did you do beside call me a coward?" 

Stopping dead still, Blair locked his focus on Jim. The sentinel saw enraged intensity, the swirling mass of color like storm clouds before a bright flash and thunder. "See, you still believe that I said that. I didn't. You're reading it all wrong, which is why I didn't want you to fucking read it in the first place, Jim. I asked you. You said I violated your trust. Well, that violation works both ways." 

"I know, Blair. If I could take it back, I would. Sorry's all I can say." 

Breathing deeply, the young man shoved his hands far down into the pants pockets hidden under his blue jacket. He studied his feet as he spoke, his words still bitter, tight with constriction. "But, Jim, you did what you always do when you're afraid. You lashed out and said what you knew would hurt me the most. Saying you're sorry helps, but it doesn't erase the feelings behind the words." 

He raised his head, his eyes too bright. "Do you really think I'd go behind your back and talk about your sex life with your ex-wife?" 

"Chief,..." 

"I mean why would I do that? Do you think I'm some kind of voyeur who gets his kicks talking to a man's ex-wife about how he fucks her?" 

Blushing intensely, Jim could barely speak. "No, Chief. I didn't think that." 

"Then what?" 

"I was afraid she'd tell you something that I didn't want you to know." The words sounded ragged, uneven across the air. 

"Jim, I already know." 

"Know what?" Cold sweat beaded his forehead, while the grip of god knotted his stomach. 

"I already know you have a fear of intimacy. She just confirmed it. That's called collecting data. It's what I do." 

Relieved, he dodged to a different question. "But what's that got to do with the sentinel business? My failure with my marriage is personal. It's got nothing to do with this sentinel stuff." A pounding headache worked to pulverize his temples from the inside out. Rubbing hard, he tried to push away the secret he dare not share. 

"You don't know that, Jim. Every aspect of how you handle your life could very well stem from having enhanced senses. Close relationships are a big part of any man's life." 

"Blair, my marriage failed because we weren't compatible. It's got nothing to do with your study." 

"How do I know that if I don't study it? That's the thing, Jim. A study covers the whole package. You don't get to pick and choose what I write about and what I don't. Like I said, I'm not going to start shading things now, just because you're feeling threatened." 

"You're right. You said that before. What the hell do you mean threatened? Do you really see yourself as a threat to me?" 

"Yeah, I do, man. I know things about you, things you don't like and don't want to admit. But, Jim, they're all part of you, the good and the bad." 

Jim shook his head, the throbbing growing worse, the flashing lights warning him of the nearness of the migraine waiting. "All I seemed to see was the bad. Do you know what it's like to have a friend write about you like you're a coward, someone who's afraid to get close to anybody? I hated it." 

"I know you did, but you have to understand that fear of intimacy is not a death sentence. It's like any fear. We have to work on it. Besides, you're not the only man in the world who's afraid to open himself up to somebody else. Any relationship carries a risk." 

Sensing a chance to turn the attention from his sins for a moment, he asked, "Is that why you put sex and intimacy in two different camps, Chief?" 

"They are separate. You can have sex with somebody and enjoy it. You don't have to tell them all your dark secrets. With intimacy, you share it all. It's what bonds you together forever." 

"And have you ever shared that?" 

Wistfully, almost speaking to himself, Blair's voice wandered. "I thought I had once." 

"And have you ever had both with the same person?" Jim stepped closer, leaning against the post. Crossing his arms tightly around his chest, he waited and watched Blair's familiar avoidance dance. 

"We're not talking about me, Jim. This is about you." 

"Oh, I see. You can write about my fears, talk about my failures, but we're not going to talk about yours? Sounds fair." 

"There you go, turning this around. Just like always. Man, you're so unbelievable." His earlier anger had transformed into a solid hurt. 

"Chief, listen, I....." 

"No, let me finish. You said that you let me stay at your place. Your place, Jim. Not ours, but yours. I've been here close to three years. Do you think of me as some charity case who can't live on his own? I'm somebody you have to take care of by getting me a job?" He stopped talking, the words too raspy and sharp. 

"I didn't mean it like that." 

"Then how did you mean it?" 

"I meant that I shared my life with you, Blair. I let you into my world both at home and where I work. I don't do that easily. You know that." 

"I know none of it's easy for you, Jim. Believe me. Nothing with you is ever easy." Drained and energy-depleted, Blair slumped down onto the couch, suddenly still. 

"But, Jim, I'm not dependent on you. I have a job at the university. I have my teaching fellowships and my studies. I made it before I met you and I could do it again if I had to. I go to the station because I'm there to help you. Do you think that for a moment I'd be there trying to become part of that closed society if I weren't afraid for your very life?" 

"I know why you're there, and I'm grateful. You've made the sentinel thing work." 

"I've done more than that. That's why I'm so pissed with myself over this." 

"What have you done, Blair? 

"I've gone native, Jim." 

"What the hell are you talking about, Chief? We're not in Peru here." 

Shaking his head, Blair let his head fall back against the top edge of the sofa and then ran his hands through his unruly hair. "I know exactly where we are, Jim. Exactly." 

"Then explain it to me." 

"In anthropology, one of the key points of collecting data is to be an observer. When this all started, that's what I tried to do, observe, but then you needed so much. Your senses were haywire and, let's face it, Jim, you were an absolute mess." 

"Yeah, well, I'll admit I was kind of jerk back then." 

"It wasn't a matter of being a jerk. You were just trying to figure out what the hell was happening. Anybody would've been scared." 

"I was that." His head came up, a light of awareness flashing in his eyes. "Fear response, right?" 

"Right. That's why you wanted to push me away. You didn't know what was happening, so you just went on instinct. But, that time it just wasn't enough. You needed me, so you went against your nature and let me in." 

"I didn't have a lot of options. I was losing it. You helped me find myself." 

Blair nodded and continued speaking softly, giving his version of the past. "Anyway, I tried to help by working on meditation, the dials, the piggy-backing, all ways to help you control this sentinel ability that scared you so much." 

"You did a good job, Chief." Jim smiled at the warm memories flooding in from the start of their adventures. His friend and guide had indeed been inventive. He remembered the soft touches on his stomach, the calm, steady voice calling him back. A heaviness grew between his legs, so he shifted carefully and distracted himself with speech. "And, I appreciate everything you still do. " 

"Thanks, Jim, that means a lot to me. It's just that somewhere along the way I went from observer to consultant to participant. In anthropology that's dangerous. It walks the line between objectivity and marrying into the tribe." 

"Marrying, Chief" The phrase ripened in his mind as the vision of Blair's naked body stretched spread-eagled across his bed played hide and seek behind his eyelids. 

"I'm talking metaphorically, Jim. We've become such a part of each other's lives that it's hard to separate the two. How can I collect data about your responses when I'm changing how you react?" 

"And that's called going native?" 

"Yeah. And it's the death knell for an anthropologist. I'm not sure what the hell I'm going to do. If my committee finds out, the study's over. All my research, the data for the tests, the observations before I got so involved, all of it will be suspect. I'll be suspect. Anything I do in the future will be examined with a magnifying glass any sentinel would be hard pressed to match." 

Jim walked over and straddled the armrest, the beginnings of arousal making him use his hands in front for balance. He watched his friend pull away from the outside world, all quiet and still. Inside, however, Blair's vitals revealed that unresolved passion raced his heart beat and breathing, the blood pressure pounded in his veins. 

He wanted so much to reach out and stroke those dark curls, to bring the warm body of his best friend into an embrace that would negate the burden of anything outside his arms. He needed to be blessed protector, but his fear kept him away. 

"Blair, what do I need to do? I know your dissertation is really important to you. You've had this thing for sentinels since you were a kid, right? All the things on Burton, your Master's thesis, all the articles you've read and written." 

"My thing for sentinels, huh? Am I that obvious?" 

"What?" 

"It's just that I've never thought of it that way, man. It has always been kind of an obsession. Ever since I was a little kid it's been that way. Weird." 

"Well, you can't let all that work go to waste. What are you going to do about it now?" 

"That's why I need time to think, Jim. I'm not sure of what I'm going to do." 

"Okay, I understand you feel you have to be alone to figure this out, but I don't agree. This involves the two of us, Blair, not just you. I want to help. I'm not talking about taking over or making it about me. I'm talking about being real partners." 

Bringing his head up, Blair stared at him, his eyes misted. "Real partners, huh?" 

"Yeah. No matter what I spout off in anger, I think of us that way. You're my best friend, Chief. I'm sorry if getting involved with my life has screwed up the chance for getting your doctorate." 

"Jim, getting involved with your life is my life. Don't you get that? The paper's just a paper. You're the real thing, a living breathing sentinel, a man I've searched for my entire life." 

"Yeah?" 

"Yeah. You, Jim Ellison, are a sentinel and I'm your guide. Now, in academic circles I may have gone native, but in this life, I've found a place where I fit, a meaning that all the dissertations in the world can't touch." 

Jim slipped down to sit firmly on the couch next to his friend. "Wow, Chief. That's pretty intense." His whole body tingled with the passion behind the words. Dark blue eyes locked with his. 

"I know, Jim. That's why I'm so upset. I don't know why it took you reading something you shouldn't have and confronting me like that to make me see what I should've already known." 

"Excuse me? You want to break that down a little?" 

"I'm too close to you, Jim." 

"Oh." He still sat there, trying desperately to measure what too close could mean. His face signaled confusion. 

"Okay, Jim, let me explain. You got angry when you read about yourself because I wrote about a test subject. I wrote in a cold, distant, and scientific manner." 

"Yeah, it seemed pretty harsh. It didn't sound like you at all." 

"Because it wasn't, or at least not the man you're talking to now, the man who's your friend. That was scientist Sandburg writing. I can do that, you know, put myself in that academic mindset. It's just like when you walk into a crime scene. You have close down the emotions. I have to be able to do that same thing or the study's worthless in my field." 

"Then what's the problem, Chief? From what I read, you can write pretty tough shit. Hell, if I hadn't known you were talking about me, I might even have liked it." 

"Really?" 

Shifting, slightly uneasy, Jim shook his head, "No, not really. It used all this rhetoric that sort of left me cold." Trying to save the moment, Jim hurriedly added, "But I'm sure those people on your committee are going to love it." 

"Probably. It's just that I'm not sure how I'm going to write the rest. Objectivity is hard to do when you're so involved with your subject." 

After a long pause, Jim asked, "So, what are you going to do?" 

"I don't know." 

"What would happen if you tried to write about something else?" 

"Jim, what else could I write about? I've got tons of research and years invested here." 

"True, but I'm just saying that there are other subjects you could use like actually writing on closed societies or maybe there's another sentinel somewhere?" 

"You mean you wouldn't be upset if I worked with someone else if I could find somebody?" Blair glanced uneasily at his friend, not quite sure of himself. 

"I don't like the idea of you working with anybody except me, but I'm also really anxious about what you're going to come up with for your dissertation. I know how important it is to you to finish, to be a doctor. If I had to share you with somebody, I could do that rather than lose you." 

"You're not going to lose me, Jim. I'm still your friend." 

"And my guide. Don't forget that." 

Blair snorted at his friend's suddenly teasing tone. "Yeah, well, I'm feeling a little lost right now, so I'm not exactly sure how good I'd be guiding you any place." 

Reaching out, Jim placed a comforting hand on Blair's shoulder. The young man's cheek came over and rubbed against his hand. The touch of beard to skin charged his world with spark, electrical beams surging like blue flame up through his arm. 

With a voice suddenly husky, Jim whispered. "That's why we're real partners, Chief. We help each other out. You get lost, I find you. I stumble around in the woods, and you're there. That's how it works." 

"Yeah?" 

"Yeah." Letting his fingers gently run down his jawline, Jim noted the heat, the sound of ragged breathing. "Blair, we both need to get some sleep. It's been my experience that decisions made when you're tired are usually pretty shitty. So, after we've rested, we'll talk some more and work this thing out." 

Blair turned his head slowly, his dark eye dilated to a dusky shadow. Taking Jim's hand in his, he brought the palm to his lips and kissed it slowly, his eyes watching the sentinel's face. 

"Jesus, Blair. What's going on here?" 

"Don't you know?" 

"Well, I have my suspicious, but then I've been told I'm a paranoid." 

The slight chuckle tickled his hand. "Jim, when I talked about having gone native, I don't think I made my point." Carefully the young man turned his knees toward Jim and then moved to rest the older man's hand on his chest. "I've really lost my objectivity here." 

"No kidding? You think it's that sentinel thing you have kicking in?" 

Blair shut his eyes and breathed deeply, drawing patience from somewhere very deep. "Jim, I'm trying to work on a little intimacy here." 

With his other hand, Jim ran his fingers through the tangle of brown silk. Tenderly he traced the earlobe, the cool metal of the earrings stinging contrast from the heat of skin. In a hush, he whispered, "Blair, I have to know something first." 

"What?" Blair studied the serious face of the man whose hand he held over his heart. 

"I need to know that this is not going to be a case of two different issues. My personal life and those who are involved are intimate to me. I can't make them separate like you do." 

Letting himself rest against the sofa, bringing Jim's hand with him, Blair smiled. "I know that, Jim. And no, this wouldn't just be sex for me, not if it's with you." 

Shaking his head both in amazement and gratitude, Jim leaned in letting his lips brush lightly at first and then with more pressure against the mouth he worshipped. His tongue answered the invitation of parted lips to enter a steamy heat that raced fire straight down to his groin. The near pain hardened him and he groaned as he forced himself to pull back. Desperate hands grasped the back of his neck, holding him close. 

"Don't stop." 

"Blair, listen. I have to know. Why now? All this time I've wondered what it would be like to tell you how I really feel and now after one of the worse fights we've ever had, you let me know you're interested? What's going on?" 

Rubbing wide shoulders gently, Blair's words sounded like music in his ears. "Like I said, I was kidding myself into thinking I could just be scientist Sandburg, keeping a distance. But, Jim, that's a joke. My objectivity is so fucking gone, it's not even funny, man." 

"Gone native, huh?" 

"Yep. Couldn't help myself. Damn savage won my heart before I even knew what was going down." 

"Going down? Sounds like a plan." 

Rolling his head back, Blair practically howled. "Oh, man, if you knew how many times I've dreamed about that, you'd laugh." 

"I doubt it, Chief." The throaty words growled up from his throat. "I'm not going to even tell you my fantasies yet." 

A glimmer of worry flashed across the flushed features of the man locked in his arms. "Why not? Maybe we're on the same wavelength." 

"I don't want to shock you, Chief. Besides, a sentinel's unusual appetites might become part of your study or something. I wouldn't want my thirst for Blair stuff to end up a statistic." Only the tease in his voice kept him from being pushed away, but his partner's body still tightened. 

"Jim, this isn't about the project anymore. I hope you know that." A tentative hand reached up to cup his face. 

"What are you trying to tell me here, Chief?" The thick smell of musk grew between them as Jim watched the midnight blue stare back into his eyes. 

"I don't want to scare you, Jim." 

"You already have." 

"Really?" 

"I know. Hard to believe, but there you are. You make me afraid because I'm not sure where this is going. I know where I want it to go, but you've got a history that scares me shitless." Jim shifted over to a more comfortable position and pulled Blair with him to sit between his legs. The young man now rested with his back leaning into Jim's chest, sentinel arms holding him tight. 

"My history with women you mean?" 

"Yeah, that and the fact that you've always been pretty much a gypsy. I don't work that way, Chief. Once I get with someone, I want it to last. Every time I've been with someone I really did want it to last, it just never did. My marriage came close, but well, it just didn't work out. She wanted more than I could give." 

"But you did love her?" 

"Yeah, I did. I just wasn't very good at showing it back then." He hugged harder, fighting back the painful memories of impotence and anger. "I was a little fucked up." 

"I know." 

Rubbing his chin lightly over the top of Blair's head, he asked, "What do you think you know, Einstein?" 

"I know life after Peru was painful and terrifying. I know that growing up the way you did, with a cold father and no mom, suppressing all your abilities like you had to, would make it really hard to be honest with anybody about your feelings. If you keep everyone at a distance, even your wife, no one will ever find out what you're hiding." 

Squeezing his eyes shut, Jim whispered, "And what's that?" 

"That you're a sentinel, Jim, a man who can't trust without a guide. You can't afford to let down your guard with anyone you don't trust absolutely. No matter how she tried, Carolyn just wasn't that person." 

"Jesus, Chief. How'd you get so damn smart?" 

Turning his body to snuggle in closer, Blair rested his weary head right over Jim's heart. His sleepy voice sounded incredibly sexy. "Well, it helps to have a great subject." 

Kissing the top of Blair's bowed head, Jim breathed in the rich herbal scent of the man he loved. He reveled in the hum of slowing vital signs. He spoke softly into his young guide's ear. "We need to get some sleep, Chief. Then you finish that intro so you can turn it in. I'm hoping that'll buy us enough time to work something out." 

Blair shook his head, his words both dreaming and amused. "You're doing it again." 

"What?" 

"Taking over." 

"No, I'm not, Chief. I'm just thinking we don't want to do anything we might regret because we're too tired to think straight." 

"I don't want to think straight, Jim. I want to think about you." Blair's chuckle at his own wit tickled the older man's chest. 

"Blair, babe, you're getting slap happy on me. We need to sleep and then worry about all the details of this stuff later." 

"Later? Oh, okay, 'cause I'm really wasted right now, man. I guess all that negative energy just tapped me right out." Even as he spoke, the words grew more faint. 

Stroking Blair's back, Jim nodded. "I know. Let's just sleep here for awhile and when we're rested, we'll figure it all out together." Letting his weight support them both, the larger man relaxed his muscles. He relished the idea that for the first time in his life he actually held someone he trusted, someone who knew his secrets and not only didn't turn away, but somehow loved him back. An anthropologist rather than an angel performed the miracles in his life. 

The strong musk of spirit cat spread suddenly across the room. Looking back over his shoulder, Jim saw the snarling panther keeping an eye on the couple entwined on the sofa, the yellow eyes focused directly with his. Somehow he knew the great cat would be their anxious guard until the partnership grew more secure. The fear of failure and separation haunted him until he sensed the gentle, steady breathing buzzing lightly into his chest. Eyes closed, Blair's face relaxed into a fine grace. The bonding of his panther's deep purr and his guide's soulful expression wrapped him in a hope for his own ability to change, to be the sentinel his guide needed him to be. With a smile teasing his lips, he whispered his pledge. "Love you, Chief. Forever." 

The End 


End file.
